The kids aren’t alright. And neither are the parents. As a working mom and psychologist, I am convinced that one of the biggest challenges I face as a modern parent is toxic capitalism.
You are likely a fellow member of the working class. And we all face a wealth disparity and corruption in this country worse than even the famed 1860's “robber barons." I often tell my clients that happiness can be found in aligning our actions and time as best we can with our values and then allowing ourselves to pause and savor the little moments. And my biggest obstacle to taking my own advice is ever-rising cost of survival in our late stage capitalistic society. Where a miniscule number of people have absurd and inconceivable amounts of wealth. And the rest of us are increasingly struggling to meet our basic needs. Most Americans live paycheck to paycheck and can find their whole lives ruined by a single medical bill, a single job loss, a single rent increase.
We are living on a perilous edge even after all these years of hard work and earning the degrees and living according to our morals and working hard. We millennials are a generation who tend to work the longest hours, have earned the most education, and are disproportionately under resourced and lacking in wealth or security. We were the first generation to realize that despite what we'd been told, we would likely never achieve the things generations before us had.
Even with a “successful” practice, I find myself perpetually torn between the work I love, the money I need, and the precious time I lose with my girls. Our girls are 2 years old and 9 months old and I'm having a hard time sleeping tonight because I know we need to look at putting them in daycare to be able to progress in our businesses and better keep up with ever-heavier demands.
It goes against my instincts as a mom and my wants as a person. Our labor is valued higher than our happiness or our children's well-being. As such, we are pressured to have to pay someone else to watch and play with and teach our children - all things I desperately want to do - so to be able to earn enough to afford everything. Including the cost of the daycare.
I can't believe that our two girls in daycare is $2900 per month. $2900 for someone else to do what I want to be doing - spending time with the people we love most.
When we worked hard to get though school and faced exploitation and abuse in universities, programs, postdoctoral settings and initial jobs, I was able to keep moving forward through it. When one historical disaster after the next occurred, we adapted. But now, we have done the things. We earned the income we used to think would mean “making it” and we don't feel it.
I'm watching this agreement that I need to put forth an excess of labor for underpayment, so that I can overpay for utilities, our home, and nearly every cost of living. I am watching as we are drained and wrung out for every last dollar that can be sent to the billionaire atop the chain. So that they can continue to see record profits.
The things everyone expects me to accept as normal are absolutely not normal. The whole system is horrific to be honest. If we have to make decisions that go against our values and deepest wants, it's not a choice. It's a broken, oppressive system where we feel we have no good choice.
I do not say this to shame fellow working class members who like daycare and feel it works well for them. We are not each others’ adversaries. I am happy for you and hurt for you because I know how expensive that childcare you need is. I don't say this to judge fellow people doing the best we can. I say this to call out the system that is making this harder than it has to be for nearly all of us.
In this system, I am not chasing a dream or opportunity some days. I am merely attempting to survive the ongoing violence of our ruling class.
And today, I didn't feel like doing it quietly.
If you are experiencing similar pulls and pressures - whether it's tough choices in day care or caring for aging partners or accessing health care or where you can live - I am sending you warmth. We get to be upset about what is taken from us in this system. We do not have to accept it as normal.
And as we all face this block that makes it so challenging to live in alignment with our values and needs, I am sending you empathy and hope. Maybe someday the system will change. Maybe someday we or our amazing children will even help to change it. But in the meantime, I wish you release from consumerism that does not truly bring you joy or ease in life. I wish you cozy and meaningful moments with the people you love. I wish you moments of rest as resistance.
You are so much more than your labor. You are lovely, powerful and you matter. Your joy, security, and sustainability matter.
In solidarity,
-Dr. Jackie Layton
