Why It Is So Hard for Working Moms Right Now
(And why beating ourselves up isn’t the answer)
If you are a working mom right now and feel like you’re constantly falling short, I want to say this clearly, right up front: You are not failing. And you are not alone. As a working mom and a therapist to amazing working moms, I can say with confidence that what many of us are experiencing right now is not a personal problem. It is a systems problem. And no amount of self-criticism will fix what is structurally broken.
This Isn’t Just “A Hard Season.” It’s a Convergence of Pressures.
The past 6 years have been especially challenging. COVID-19 psuhed over 2.3 million women out of the US labor force, with 1 in 4 women remaining working women considering reducing or leaving work. We are losing so much progress in women's labor participation - and I say progress not because I want us all working. Goodness, our labor is so disempowered especially under the US's brand of capitalism. No, I want women to be able to choose to be in the workforce, building their own wealth and financial stability, having the impact they choose to have, and sharing their voice in places where decisions are made if they want to. My concern about these stats are the the women leaving the workforce keep sharing that they are doing so because it is too challenging to be a working mom. That's not truly a choice to stop working - it's the system failing women. Putting far too much of childcare and other invisible and unpaid labor on women to the point that we struggle to maintain paid employment too. We are working either way, but this model has women no longer being paid or having ownership over their wealth in the same way. That's a major step backwards.
Working moms are living at the intersection of multiple forces that are all intensifying at once:
- Eroding workplace protections (when we already had such limited paid sick leave, no protected maternity leave, and systemic barriers for women and people of color)
- Rising economic strain without corresponding pay increases (we've all seen our costs of living, utilities, and grocery bills rising while incomes stay the same or even decrease when you factor in inflation in many industries)
- A childcare system that puts unsustainable costs on working families (as much as we love our daycare, sending our two littles to daycare costs us $3000 per month and that's typical for our area)
- Cultural backlash against caregiving, flexibility, and equity
- And a horrifying lack of collective support for parents (especially moms)
When people ask, “Why does this feel harder than it used to?” The answer is: because it is. Most likely by design if we're considering the reports of conservative think tanks like the Heritage Foundation.
Systemic oppression has a chronic impact on our mental health. Minority stress, discrimination-related stress, and experiences of workplace bullying and harassment have very real impacts on our mental heath.
Workplace Protections Have Weakened and Women Feel It First
Over the past several years, many of the safeguards that helped women function safely at work have been rolled back, weakened, or been quietly deprioritized. Under the Trump administration and in the cultural climate that followed, we’ve seen:
- Fewer protections for pregnant workers and parents
- Reduced enforcement for women, LGBTQ+, transgender, and BIPOC employees
- Anti-harassment guidance being scrapped (this has hit several of the people I work with in different ways)
- Employers becoming emboldened in the ways they cause and dismiss harm
From the therapy room, I can tell you this shift is palpable. We can all feel the changes and losses in our society, the collective grief as women and parents and people brave enough to care. And we can feel it week by week. Many women I work with describe a noticeable change in workplace behavior, particularly from men whose conduct was previously “borderline” and is now openly misogynistic, dismissive, or hostile. When accountability fades, harm often escalates. And it looks like that's what many of us are seeing.
Psychological safety at work is not optional. Without it, stress we experience chronic stress, may miss out on or not accept opportunities for advancement because we don't feel we have the mental or emotional resources (or perhaps social ones) to feel we could still be successful in higher roles.
We are losing women from leadership too, which only further compounds this problem. It further limits the insights, diversity of thought, and felt awareness of the experiences of working women in decision-making roles. Forbes recently published an article (below) about the loss of women in leadership. Thornton's Women in Business 2026" Report outlined how women held only 34% of leadership roles in the us in 2025 and how that has now dropped to 31% in the past year alone. I don't know about you but I feel a pit in my stomach when I read that alone.
And even when women do earn leadership roles, we are more likely to be placed in risky ones. Researchers like Michelle Ryan and Alexander Haslam call this the "glass cliff," and explain that it's during moments of instability that are difficult to truly overcome that companies can bring in women CEOs. They then face greater scrutiny, expectations, and blame than their male counterparts.
The Math No Longer Works for Families
At the same time protections are eroding, the cost of living has exploded. Health insurance premiums have doubled or tripled for many families (for self-employed folks like ourselves, self-employed health insurance for a family of 4 even with a high deductible starts around $2800 per month). Groceries, rent, and mortgage payments continue to climb. Childcare costs remain staggering. Pay has not kept pace.
For many families, especially working-class and middle-class households, there is no longer any margin.
And when childcare costs rival or exceed one parent’s income, families are forced into impossible decisions. Because women are still more likely to be underpaid and to carry primary caregiving responsibility, women are disproportionately pushed out of the workforce because the system makes participation unsustainable.
The National Women's Law Center has documented this pattern extensively, describing it as part of a broader war on working women that undermines economic security, health, and long-term stability.
Burnout Is a Sign That Something's Unsustainable
Across my caseload, working mothers are reporting remarkably similar experiences including severe burnout that doesn’t resolve with rest alone. I've seen so many more people coming into care while seeking leave for stress-related medical concerns. So many are experiencing chronic workplace stress and anxiety, pushback when they try to set healthy boundaries, and a growing sense that their humanity is inconvenient rather than cared for at work and at home.
As can be seen in the photo below (of my dog Ace sitting on my couch next to one of my favorite therapy mugs), burnout is also a sign. A sign of possible things like unrealistic expectations, a lack of childcare support, overwork and hyper-independence, a lack of boundaries or respect for boundaries, perfectionism and fearing mistakes, society devaluing parenthood, unaligned values between yourself and how you may be spending much of your time, unaligned values with your workplace, unhealthy work culture, an excess of emotional and invisible labor on top of work, and the drain of self doubt and inner criticism.
Why Beating Ourselves Up Makes Everything Worse
One of the most painful patterns I see is how working moms turn systemic failure inward. We tell ourselves things like, "I should be doing more at work," or "Do they think I'm unprofessional" if we have to cancel to go pick up a sick child from school. Many at the same time beat themselves up for not being present enough at home. We wonder if we are being present enough, patient enough, and involved enough as moms. And on top of it all, many working moms are reading self help books, listening to podcasts, and going to therapy. Working moms are doing SO MUCH WORK. So on top of all of this they will then wonder how they are not able to make time for themselves and keep up with recommended self care.
If you find yourself tempted down this path of "shoulds," please remember that shame is not a productivity tool. And self-criticism doesn't magically create capacity. In fact, it drains the very resources - the patience, creativity, resilience - that we need most right now. What does help is what we so naturally offer others: compassion, realism, and patience.
There are many messages we get that try to put major systemic concerns on us. Some examples are:
What Actually Helps (When the System Isn’t Fixed Yet)
Yes, this moment requires systemic change and collective action. We need policy shifts, workplace reform, affordable childcare, and cultural change. Organizations like Center for American Progress and reporting in TIME have made it clear: without structural investment, women’s workforce participation will continue to suffer. But while we push for those changes, there are also things that help us survive in the meantime:
1. Notice the messaging, as well as the story you actually want to live as a working parent
You are not behind. The system is asking for more than is humanly possible. There are a number of different myths in motherhood that we can challenge here.
I hear people say that the realities of parenting are just part of life. And then burnout can start to feel inevitable. Once we understand what messages we are hearing, where those come from, and how they are impacting us, we can actually make our own choices based on our own values. It's helpful to take a consider the story of parenting you are living in.
For instance, across cultures we see big differences in the messages about parenting. For instance, a common message in US culture is that parenting is the job of women, so we tend to see mothers taking on tasks alone that in other countries are shared among parents and generations.
This is not the norm everywhere, though. For instance, in Sweden, moms often experience greater gender equality, work-life balance, generous parental leave after having a baby, and both parents raising the children. And in modern hunter-gatherer type societies like the Aka pygmy community in Central Africa, we actually see norms of gender equality, interchangeable roles and flexibility, and fathers having an equal role in watching and caring for children. This is especially noteworthy because we believe such communities are a good illustration of how our societies functioned as hunter-gatherers (i.e., for most of human history).
I’m not telling you this to tell you what to do or what norms you should like - but I do want to draw your attention to the fact that these are messages rather than absolute truths about parenthood. You get to make the choice in how you write you own parenting story. And if you are burning out in the one you are in it may be a sign that story is not right for you, not that you just have to try harder, get tougher, or do more.
2. Lean Into Community
Isolation magnifies burnout. And also, who wants to have to face everything we're facing lately alone? Whether it’s other moms, coworkers, or supportive spaces - connection is protective and really can help us feel better.
There are all sorts of barriers that can come up and keep us isolated. Some common ones I've heard from fellow working moms include:
"I should be able to handle this on my own," or "They have so much going on, I don't want to bother them." In reality, community and connections are the stuff of a fulfilling life. You most likely aren't bothering them to reach out and talk, but if you're worried you can always just ask. "I've been going through this thing at work - do you have the bandwidth today for me to talk about it? I want to respect where you're energy is at too." Or something to that effect in your own words. Don't isolate yourself or handle things alone because someone might feel burdened. Especially since they may really want to be able to help by providing a listening ear and encouragement.
Some other common barriers people share that are also not reasons to avoid support and community (even if they feel convincing in your head):
"I'm failing as a mom" or "I'm not good enough," or "If I share what I'm going through they'll judge me."
"I don't have the energy to build new relationships," or "What if I'm too exhausted to be any fun?"
"What if I don't fit in?" "It's better to feel isolated than rejected." Basically all the rejection-sensitivity thoughts. Those all suck and can keep us isolated.
So many of these beliefs are rooted in capitalist productivity culture and patriarchy. The isolation, pressure for self-reliance, and pressure to be everything to everyone but yourself. This is the soup we're all swimming in, so don't judge yourself for getting wet. But you can notice these messages and beliefs and push back. It isn't easy, but it's worth it!
3. Advocate Where You Can (and Rest When You Can’t)
It's ok to embrace periods of rest. Remember, rest is not a luxury, but a necessity. I don't just mean sleep, though that is so important as well. I also mean taking breaks throughout the day to get some water and fresh air. I mean having moments where you can quiet your mind and listen to music. Pausing during transitions can also be helpful, even if only for a few minutes before picking the kids up from daycare.
There are some other possibilities. I get that some of these may sound hard, but consider it just in case ok? One possibility is to spend time you would otherwise "check out" such as scrolling on social media or checking your email for the 50th time instead just tilting your head back and staring at the ceiling for a few minutes. There are so few moments we truly let our minds go still. But we need it.
Brief mindfulness exercises can also be great. I know that's a cliche but it's often recommended for a reason. It's the antithesis to working-mom chaos. Instead of your mind going all different directions, you actually let it stay on just one thing, even if just for one moment.
4. Practice Self-Care That Is Gentle, Not Punitive
Real self-care is not another thing to do “right.” It’s permission to be human. This can mean talking to yourself in kinder ways (with the kindness or warmth you'd talk to your kids). Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?” try “What do I need right now?” That shift alone can reduce shame and increase clarity.
It can also mean getting moving. If that means dancing to nostalgia jams in your living room in a way that is horribly embarassing according to your kids, that's ok. Self care is self care.
Caring for your health is also the ideal here. Nutritious meals, plenty of water, getting moving even if just for a walk around the block. And, progress over perfection, my friend. We are exhausted. And self-care is taking a delightfully rebellious stand against patriarchal messaging that our time should all go towards the nourishment of others and never ourselves. Don't support such nonsense.
If you have to think of your self-care every step of the way as entering the resistance, you do that. Self care can be nerdy. It can be whimsical. It can be ridiculous. What did you as a child love doing? Self care can also be reclaiming some of the things we used to truly enjoy doing before the world told us there's only time to be serious, productive or helpful.
A Final Word to Fellow Working Moms
We deserve care, and cannot fix broken systems on our own individually. The major solutions we actually need right now are going to be collective efforts. That's why I sincerely hope - if nothing else - you'll consider connecting to community. Things are incredibly hard right now but I do sincerely believe we can still create a kinder, braver world. Both through the lovely humans we are raising and the ways we choose to resist unhealthy systems in our life and work.
Some Resources for the Curious
Moms First Foundational Workers Report. https://momsfirst.us/foundational-workers-report/
Global Gender Gap Report 2025. https://www.weforum.org/publications/global-gender-gap-report-2025/
Forbes Article: Women are Losing Ground in Leadership, New Research Shows. Here's Why. https://www.forbes.com/sites/lizelting/2026/06/11/women-are-losing-ground-in-leadership-new-research-shows-heres-why/
Women in Business 2026 Report. https://www.grantthornton.com/insights/articles/insights/2026/women-in-business
